I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
