just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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