Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
