suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
