U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
