Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're a waste of cheezeits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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