when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
