I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
