I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
