i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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