I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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