i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
