fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
