I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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