Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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