Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
