We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
