Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
