My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
