Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
whose parrot is this?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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