Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
