Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
