I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She bit a glass in half.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
