so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
