Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
