I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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