Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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