the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
