One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
