the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
