Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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