why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had sex on a roof
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
