I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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