question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
