no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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