mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
