I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
