yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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