you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
