I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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