Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
tonight lets celebrate not being married
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
