i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
