You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
