apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
