I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
