Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The ass gains better be worth it
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