there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
