So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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