The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
