the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
