i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
