apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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