Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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