So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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