final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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