I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
