my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
did i just pee glitter
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
